Sweet Mother of Мёд

Hey, guess what phenomenon is still alive and thriving as much in Russian Universities as it is in British ones?

That's right, Freshers' Flu! It currently has me in its nasty, germy, little claws, so I've been feeling quiet and somewhat out of it the last few days. This does NOT help when you need to speak a foreign language such as Russian to get anything done.

Funnily enough, though, it DID help me do a dialogue in oral class yesterday in which we asked one another how we were feeling. I get the feeling this opening to the lecture may actually have been somewhat prompted by me because the lecturer remarked after the dialogue (in Russian): "Is what you just talked about true? I thought so, you didn't seem very well."


In any case, you're probably wondering about the title of this blog (moreso if you don't speak Russian (in which case "Мёд" (pronounced "Myod") means Honey.)

But that'll have to wait, I have to catch you up on some other things.

So on Saturday I experienced the wonderful, somewhat terrifying place that is the Tver' market. On the way to said market, we encountered a smaller market where people were selling something quite distressing: Little, baby animals. I may be jumping to conclusions, but I can imagine these animals haven't exactly had the happiest possible upbringing up to this point in their lives. There were animals shoved into little boxes for people to admire and take them out and everything and the boxes really were too small for them. In one case there was a turtle which clearly didn't even have enough space to turn around! A part of me wanted to get all the animals to safety but that would either cost me all my money and then some OR, if I were to go with the sudden release option, get me in an enormous amount of trouble with the Russians and most likely do the animals far more harm than good, so I stayed quiet.

They were pretty damn adorable, though...

But I digress, after that we reached the proper, actual market, and let me tell you, it was pretty big! There were food stalls, clothes stalls, game stalls, tool stalls, a stall which seemed to be selling animal pelts for whatever reason. I'd planned to by a шапка ("shapka", Russian hat) and...Well, I DID buy one, but my brain didn't convert the rubles quickly enough before I agreed to buy it, so I wound up spending around £70 on it...I definitely regret spending that much before researching the PROPER amount for a hat, but I won't be too bothered as long as it keeps me warm in winter and doesn't disintegrate within the space of a few weeks. Heck, if I'm lucky, it's a really good quality shapka which will last me forever and was actually a reasonable price for the quality.

Somehow, though, I'm less than optimistic.

Anyway, I hear you cry "But Joe, what about the blasted honey?" Patience, my friend, there is still more to tell.

Sunday was shaping up to be quite a lazy day as well, right until Akvile reminded me about English lessons available at the library which she'd invited me to help with. So at 4pm Akvile, Anna, Sophia, Myriam and I headed on our way to the library. We got to the room where the lesson would be held and started arranging the room.
So, when does the teacher turn up?, I thought to myself, assuming that we were here to help the class with our conversational skills and knowledge of English. It is then that Akvile asked me a rather worrying question:
"Erm, so do you want to be, like, the main teacher or...?"

I'm sorry, what? Put the "main" bit aside for now, we're the teachers?! I deeeefinitely don't remember being told that that was meant to be my role! I haven't set up lessons plans or a syllabus or anything!

In the end, though, it was a lot better than I thought, since we just split up into groups and did the conversations that I had thought we were going to have in the first place. I talked with 3 very nice Russians, albeit very awkwardly, and left the session feeling good and having heard some good recommendations from them of things to do, one of which is to visit a nearby town called Старица ("Staritsa"). At this point a man from a completely different group chimed in and said "Oh, Старица is great, it's very good for practicing rock-climbing!"

This is important because, shortly after the lesson, this same man (Named Илья, pronounced Ilya) invited me to join him at Старица for some rock-climbing! Well, I'm not in Russia NOT to experience things, so I took him up on this offer, we exchanged numbers and, presumably, he'll contact me when/if this trip happens. Anna said she loves rock-climbing as well, so she'll presumably be joining me as well.

"For God's sake, man, what is so important about the honey?!"
Alright, alright, I'll tell you.

By the way, did you know that the ?! punctuation is called an Interrobang? Sounds like something a frat boy would say.

Okay, okay, sorry. So, the honey. This happened yesterday after oral class. I decided I'd pick up some things to help my sore throat, one of which was, you guessed it, honey. Just as I was eating lunch, Elke joined me at the table and proposed that she, Robin and I start sharing groceries and such, since it would probably save us all money in the long run. Robin and I agreed and we headed to ATAK to get food for the next week and, hopefully, a bit longer.

Definitely longer in the case of the honey.

Turns out that the honey at ATAK isn't just jars on a shelf, there's a neat little shack near the entrance with loads of different types of honey. Like, seriously, at least around 14, and I don't really know the difference between any of them. So there I was, at the stall, doing my best to speak Russian. The woman was very friendly and let me sample a bit of my arbitrarily-selected honey (Christ, how many times have I typed the word "honey" now?) However, my general social awkwardness, insecurity in speaking Russian in the real world and feeling slightly out of it (my sore throat had led to a poor night's sleep as well) led me to panic somewhat and buy a whole kilo of honey.

I somehow think I didn't need THAT much honey...It's quite pretty to look at, though! And I wouldn't be in trouble should Винни Пух ("Vinni Pookh", Russian Winnie-the-Pooh) ever pop by for a visit.

So we headed back with our heavy bags of various tasty things/things which, with some work, can become tasty. Robin and Elke needed to stop at the bank on the way back to sort out payment for their visas and, in Elke's case, accordion lessons. I'd done the payment via machine and...

Wait, did I ever talk about the visa payment?

Long story short: I needed to pay 1000 rubles (£20) for a visa extension which, for some reason, is done at the bank. I was given instructions to "ask for a visa extension and pay it at the bank", which I did. I asked a woman nearby who simply pointed in a vague direction out of the room and said "Terminal". Turns out this means the machines lined up outside, but being unfamiliar with the word, I thought she might have meant the little window outside with a person behind it. I asked HIM about it, another employee overheard and took me to...The same woman I had just asked. Strangely enough, she said much the same thing, but pointed more helpfully right at the machines.

I then flustered my way through the process as the same woman rapidly pressed buttons so that I couldn't see quite what she had done, but eventually I put in the money and got the receipt, so everything should be fiiiiiine...Right?

This is kinda important, though, because Elke and Robin tried to pay at the desk because I hadn't seen which of the thousands of buttons had been pressed to access the visa payment. Elke's accordion lesson payment was done smoothly at the desk (as was mine a few days prior) but the two people working at the desk seemed somewhat perplexed by the visa request. Eventually I was called over to help and all I had to say was "Well, I did it at the terminal, but I'm not sure..." and suddenly everything set into motion and, with little fuss, Robin and Elke's visa payments were done as well.

We got home and started sorting out the food items when I discovered: The Honey has spilled out of the box. Fortunately there was an extra little bag around the box so it didn't go EVERYWHERE, but it led to a fun half-hour by the end of which I had a honey-soaked plastic bag, a plate of honey, a bowl of honey and I STILL have around 4/5 of the big, plastic box of honey...

My life was a honey-based mess for quite a while, but it was all fun.

I think I've got it sorted now.

Still, I'd better have a sore throat for a lot longer if I'm hoping to use up the rest of this stuff...

In any case, that's about all I have to say for now. Thank you for reading, and have a nice day/evening, wherever you are.

Joe